Symbiosis, Buckets, & Relationships

Relationships are what make life worth living. Human connection and understanding are what can get us through our toughest times. As we hike through this journey called life, we make lots of connections with the human world as well as the natural world. A few months ago, I was teaching about the ecological relationships we see in the natural world. Symbiosis--the interaction between two different organisms living in close physical association--drives the ecosystem. We break down these relationships into mutualistic, commensal, or parasitic. Ecologists break them down by the positive and negative relationships they create. Mutualism brings a positive effect for both organisms. Commensalism brings a positive effect for one and a neutral effect for the other organism. Parasitic is a positive effect for the parasite and a negative for the host. 

I had dinner with a great friend a few weeks ago and we talked about the concept of "filling our bucket". Every time we meet, I walk away feeling so much better and I know that she does too. This is what filling your bucket is all about. Some can fill their own bucket and others, like me, need help. In human relationships, we crave to have our buckets filled. Some relationships in life fill our bucket as we fill others. Others take from our buckets to fill theirs, but do not reciprocate. As I was teaching the three symbiotic relationships to my students, I realized that we as humans have these interactions in our own lives. 

In my journey I have met people that fit in each of those categories. I have spent many hours filling other buckets while mine stayed the same or drained dry. I would spend hours reaching out to people to make sure they were okay, but where were those people when I needed something? In many a therapy session I have talked about the amount of energy I would spend helping others, but who was helping me? I needed to change things. I needed to rid myself of the parasites and focus on the mutualisms. Who was filling my bucket while I was filling theirs? There are times and seasons for every relationship, but at the end of the day, a relationship should be about give and take. Focusing in on the relationships that reciprocate the feelings. Yes, there are times when one will need more--a commensalism--but in the end, it should be a mutual relationship. 

Dinner with my friend that night really put things into perspective. She is a blessing to me and my family--she is the friend that keeps it real and makes sure that I am on track. She is the friend that you can pick up a conversation from weeks ago and it feels like you never paused the conversation. We all have to surround ourselves with those people. 

In my own life, I have to remind myself to reach out to the people that fill my bucket and check in on them--am I reciprocating? I am blessed to have a 

I am blessed to have a wife that works very hard to lift me up and sing my praises. Do I always do that for her?